Dear Etiquette Squirrel,
I’m on the verge of graduating, but I’m starting to feel guilty about some unfinished business. I had a very lenient professor one year that was kind enough to give me a tentative final mark, with the promise of me getting my outstanding course work in as soon as possible. The thing is, I never completed that work and my degree is almost finished. Should I follow through with that promise before I take off? I can barely even remember what we learned in that class.
— Better Late Than Never
Dear BLTN,
I am sorry to hear that you finally have a conscience, but it is probably best to leave the past in the past. It sounds like the agreement that was made has entirely slipped your professor’s mind, and it would not be very polite to remind them of it now — think of the embarrassment that would cause! Do not look this rare gift horse in the mouth; soothe your guilt with the knowledge that you have preserved your absent-minded professor’s dignity.
— ES
Dear Etiquette Squirrel,
I recently tried hosting a little get together at my house. After a very enjoyable, yet tiring, night, I could not get a particular guest to leave. I was appreciative of the company, but they did not decide to leave until the wee hours of the morning, long after we had run out of food, drink, and new conversational topics. I was utterly exhausted by the time I got to bed, and now I’m hesitant to invite anyone over again. Am I just not cut out to be a hostess?
— Lacklustre Entertainer
Dear Lacklustre,
You should not let one mooching guest ruin the fun for everyone. I am sure you were a lovely hostess, now you just need to learn a few maneuvers to discreetly bring your party to an end. Try offering the overstayed guest some leftovers and then handing them their coat when you are done packing up the food; or you can let them know what a wonderful guest they have been and offer to call an Uber to take them home. Basically, you need to balance control with niceties. Remember: you are the hostess and you run the show.
— ES
Dear Etiquette Squirrel,
I submitted an in-class assignment last week, and after I placed my assignment on the professor’s desk, I saw another student pick it up and copy the answers down. Then they handed in their assignment and walked away like nothing happened. I was too stunned to do anything at the time, but I’m not sure if I handled the situation properly.
— Standing With My Jaw Wide Open
Dear Wide Jaw,
I understand your surprise and hesitation at the time, but it is not too late to take matters into your own hands. That is your personal work — no one has the right to plagiarize it; also, you do not want to be called into question for submitting work that is identical to someone else’s. In order to protect yourself, you need to contact your professor immediately and explain the circumstances. Do not be afraid of snitches getting stitches, because you have every right to stand up for yourself, and I am sure you will probably not suffer any bodily harm.
— ES
Dear Etiquette Squirrel,
My boss at work obviously loves to dance. He constantly parades around showing off his moves — except he doesn’t even have any moves! He absolutely cannot dance and is actually notorious for ripping his pants, while attempting the ‘slut drop.’ How can I get him to stop?
— Embarrassed To Be A Spectator
Dear Embarrassed Spectator,
You cannot stop your dancing boss and you should not attempt to do so. Your boss is a free spirit simply expressing his artistic side. You should respect his demonstration of courage and be appreciative of the lighthearted mood he brings to the office, but you should not hate on his style. If you are embarrassed by the show, you do not have to be a spectator; but I would instead recommend letting go and joining in on the dancing fun.
— ES
Dear Etiquette Squirrel,
I keep running into a former TA at the grocery store. This wouldn’t be so bad, if it wasn’t for the fact that she failed me, and she’s really attractive. One half of me is mad I didn’t pass that course, but the other half is mesmerized by her eyes. My academic pride is bruised, would it be smart to give her the chance to break my heart too? I don’t know if I should pursue a relationship with her, but she is just so beautiful.
— In Love With A TA
Dear TA Lover,
I have good news: you are probably not in love with the TA. You seem to be infatuated by her beauty, and you should try not to get the two mixed up. I suggest you switch to another grocery store, give it a couple weeks, and then reassess your feelings for her. If you forget about her in the process, then you will just move on. If you are still interested in her at the end of the two weeks, then perhaps maybe it is something more than infatuation, and you should tread carefully. She is already critical of your academic performance, so relax, take your time, and impress her with your true self.
— ES
Dear Etiquette Squirrel,
I have had some recent encounters with a persistent raccoon that frequents the green bins outside my house. I keep running into it at night, and it scares the bejeebers out of me every single time. Once, it even snarled at me and I ran away in terror. I think I’m developing a fear of them, how do I get rid of this pest before it turns into a full-blown phobia?
— Hiding From The Raccoons
Dear Hiding,
Heed my warning: beware those dreadful night time creatures. Avoid them altogether. Move away and never look back. They are simply too vicious to take down.